LOCAL NEWS ART/CULTURE ABOUT CONTACT
By DOROTHY GALE July 7, 2016
NEW YORK — In a stunning announcement, the Grammy Awards Academy has decided that the singer-songwriter is no longer eligible to receive awards. She will still be allowed to attend events or be an award presenter.
"She doesn't hire songwriters, and that affects industry jobs. She doesn't rap or use Auto-Tune. She doesn't perform nude or even partially nude, which we feel doesn't fit in with the modern image of female pop stars that the committee prefers."
Swift is rumored to be soon retiring from her wildly successful career. In an interview, a former insider quoted her as saying, "I already made all the money I need, so I may begin an early retirement on the ranch raising llamas as food for poor people. Not to brag, but I'm pretty enough to be a runway model or actress in case I run out of money. Plus, I've already dated all the cute guys I know of and written songs about them, so I'm running out of material."
Taylor just celebrated her 26th birthday.
By RUSTY FARMER July 6, 2016
Fairfax, VA, NRA Headquarters —
Congress is preparing to vote on a bill that will allow U.S. citizens to open carry bazookas. They are also known as grenade launchers or rocket launchers. President Obama has threatened to veto the bill if the Senate also passes it, saying “rocket propelled grenade launchers were designed to be antitank weapons. We don’t want non-military personnel to be driving around in tanks either.”
The NRA added that they would be willing to wait for a conservative in the Oval Office that believes in the Constitution before telling members of Congress when they should vote on their bill. Republicans in Congress have been saying that open carry bazookas should be federally protected, and to let the states decide. When asked if felons or people on the terrorist watch list would be allowed to open carry bazookas or if they would be sold at gun shows, the NRA declined to comment.
Sarah Palin reportedly asked the NRA if they would include concealed carry and sport hunting permits in the “bazooka bill,” but they haven’t responded as of this writing. House Speaker Paul Ryan was asked if warheads containing chemical weapons would also be allowed in bazookas, and he said that he wasn’t sure because he hasn’t read it yet, although he does support the bill.
By MICHAEL HUNT July 5, 2016
The Republican presidential candidate has announced that he has seized a controlling interest in WallCo®, a subsidiary of Halliburton Holdings and international construction company. To obtain the funds to become the majority shareholder of such a large corporation, He reportedly has sold off some of his unprofitable casinos and the Miss Universe Organization, as well as the rights to an undeveloped television reality show called “The Presidential Apprentice.”
It was pointed out during a recent press conference that his companies had a pattern of going bankrupt. When asked by a female journalist what would happen if he were president and his company went bankrupt before the wall between the U.S. and Mexico was completed, he mumbled something about women staying in the kitchen and talked about China for the next five minutes.
Mister Trump only had a single position on his official campaign website until September, which was to build a wall separating the U.S. from Mexico, and "Make Mexico Pay For The Wall." Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto responded that his country would in fact not be paying for it.
CBS News reports, “If Mexico doesn't agree to pay for the wall, Trump suggests increasing a number of fees, including those on temporary visas issued to Mexican CEOs and diplomats, border crossing cards and NAFTA worker visas from Mexico. He also proposes increases [in] fees at ports of entry at the Mexican - United States border.” When asked if those fee increases would cover the cost of constructing and maintaining a giant wall, he again started talking about China for the next five minutes, until most people left the press conference, except for his current immigrant wife.
"We're building a wall. It's going to be a wall that is not - nobody's going through my wall. Trump builds walls. I build walls." –- Donald Trump
By MICHAEL HUNT June 28, 2016
NEW YORK — Mayor Bloomberg was attending the New York Knicks vs. New Orleans Pelicans basketball game today at Madison Square Garden, when he was approached in the restroom by an undercover officer who offered to sell him a large sugary beverage. Bloomberg gave him a 20 dollar bill, allegedly, and the officer signaled other officers outside to “swarm.” The officers then handcuffed Bloomberg and led him out of the building.
Mayor Bloomberg’s attorney released a statement claiming that his client is innocent, and that the mayor thought that he was paying twenty dollars to purchase water in the men’s room. Bloomberg was released shortly after being booked, and the trial date will be announced tomorrow.
The authorities are holding the contraband item as evidence, and it reportedly is a 7-11 Big Gulp with a piece of masking tape over the container crudely marked as “water” with a Sharpie. The 7-11 corporate office could not be reached for comment.
When questioned by a TT action news reporter after the incident, one New Yorker replied “who the hell are the New Orleans Pelicans?” Another said “it’s a f*cking soda, you reap what you sows. F*cking Bloomberg.”
We will release updates to this story as things unfold.
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